Martin Lucre King

We should privatize civil rights and make it a government profit center.  How many Donald Trumps has the ACLU created without even trying?  The late night DUI lawyers could make tremendously more money playing to a larger demographic;  HAVE YOU BEEN BEATEN UP OR SHOT BY THE POLICE BECAUSE OF YOUR COLOR?  HAVE YOU BEEN FIRED BECAUSE YOU'RE A MAN DRESSED LIKE A WOMAN?  DID YOU GO TO JAIL FOR TAX FRAUD CLAIMING YOUR THREE CATS AS SPOUSES?  WE CAN HELP YOU!

As soon as we put money in the mix, it becomes a control system that self-regulates.  If too many people get shot or fired, there is an investigation to make sure it's not bogus or frivolous and when those people are fired, they can sue.  You've heard of perpetual motion machines, but this is an example where civil rights could fuel jobs and the economy for the foreseeable future.  It's obvious that sexism, hatred, bigotry and racism aren't going away any time soon.  Why not use it to fuel the economy?  By 2050 we could get 60% of our economy switched over to fear, greed and hatred and eliminate our dependency on fossil fuels.

First you get the fear.  Then you get the hatred.  Then you get the lawyers.  Then you get the money.  (Then you get the women, and more lawyers for the sexism and then more money, in perpetuity, ad infinitum, ad naseum, etc.)

Great Gulag Wall

People say, "they can fly over the wall" or "they'll swim around the wall" or "they're digging under the wall" without understanding that we can negotiate with illegals that can afford a plane ticket or with the ingenuity to dig a tunnel. We don't want the ones that are lazy enough to just walk across through the desert.  The wall isn't even about making us safer.  It's pride and ego.  Look at the Great Wall of China.  It's over 5000 miles long.  It's only about 2000 miles from San Diego to Brownsville so we should be able to make it three times as high and twice as wide.  We can build a three lane highway/racetrack on it and every 500 miles add a ThunderDome where we have daily matches to allow new contestants to enter the country.  Two men enter, one man gets a green card.

Since we have a new "reality show in chief" president, we could make the border entry into a game show like Survivor or Family Feud.  Frito Bandito could be the sponsor since stereotypes are cool again and we could get Marty Robbins to sing the theme song.  George Lopez will play Richard Dawson and come out singing Besame Mucho.  Winners can mow my lawn for $2.50 an hour and the new tax to send money back to your family in Mexico will help build and maintain the wall.  Good fences make good neighbors!

Oye como va? The future's so bright I gotta wear a giant sombrero.